ocha's think machine

2012-01-27T17:45:00.000+08:00

I come in peace yo !

2012-01-25T03:41:00.000+08:00

Hello good day everyone. I can see that, most of the days Ive been ignoring my blog, yes. Im living life now, less networking, more reality. And it does brings me good :) Nothing much happens in January. Mostly stuffs are random and reckless. Having a fun time with roomies. Always and always on something hilarious and stupid. What the heck, I am happy to actually be myself and always on a positive vibe. Just need to work on my procrastination issues. START ON YOUR STOP MOTION ASSIGNMENT CHA.

And my short chinese new year's break is well spent with mi amore. The one that took my heart away and is on a happy and fun journey with me. Oh yes it is fun ! :D Glad to have you around although it is way awkward in the beginning. All is well, because I never thought that it will happen, again, and it did. I seriously dont want to jinx this again and again. I just want to keep you only for me. So less blog, tweets and whatever that is on the internet. Had enough of it. Maybe less describing the situation and whatnot. K k k k. Stop right there missy.

Well, looking into the bright side, 3days till my birthday everyone ! Excited ? Well I dont really know how to feel at the moment. Turning 20 is something. LOL. A new start and a new beginning. Let just pray for all the good stuffs in the future. Amin !

Your hoodie that will always fits me ! Hehe been my fav since 2010 and now its partially mine hi hi hi >:P

(Y)

2012-01-14T17:53:00.001+08:00

Suku pertama 2012

2012-01-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

So far, January serves me fine. Alhamdulillah ! I wish for it to stay this way. Can ah ?

2012

2012-01-01T18:57:00.000+08:00

Hello,

1st January. Wow good to welcome 2012 ! ~ For those who had a bad year in 2011, must be looking forward for 2012 eyh ? No ? Okay I guess that goes to me jeee lol. So yeah, been looking forward for 2012 and now hello new year ! I got new fresh vibes and spirits. Typically we have our own new year's resolutions. Well screw for those who thinks new year's resolutions only for kiddies. I know its kinda lame but it gets us going somewhere. At least we have that in mind we want to achieve something right. Bila je pun kita betul betul ada azam baru kan ? Its your loss if you're unable to fulfill your resolutions. So start accomplish it ! :)

So, I have a few in mind and InsyaAllah I try to make the best of it :) cant wait to start fresh and Alhamdulillah I managed to delete everything. Yes, everything from the past. Its not good to be haunted by negative vibes. Believe me it hurts and I dont want to hurt myself. So hello sunshine, rainbow, clouds, candy, confetti, and brownies ! Hehehe I am addicted to brownies these days. And I am excited that I am getting better at baking it (Y)

Well, new year's eve last night was fine too. Lots of fireworks, foam sprays and laughter. I really had a rough time standing still because the air was so polluted with foam spray's chemical shits. Coughing all the way and never want to stay at the center again :/ no wonder he doesn't like the idea of going there in the first place hehe. And even, bumped into a few of familiar faces. Was nice :) even better I got a very special gift from you. For me, it is special :) It was nice, truth to be told, I never get that from a guy. Seriously. Thank you.

Though you were at the top of the highland, your new year's phone call beats everything. Although ada org tu touching heh I am so sorry for that. Sorry sangat ! Pedon-ness will always run in my blood. Okay I think that will be one of the thing I need to avoid. Add that to my new year's resolutions lol.

So I hope everyone will have positive vibes for 2012 ! Happy new year again everyone ! May Allah bless all of you <3 Peace be upon to you !

Sejahtera

2011-12-29T02:52:00.000+08:00

Welcoming a new phase of life. I feel different. I want different things too. I am building walls so no one can let me down that easy anymore. I had enough of heartaches. Deleting unwanted things is what I tend to do now. I might stop tolerating with the one that never appreciate my efforts of doing so. One thing for sure, I am quite devastated that we are no longer chit chatting at the same table. I hate how we supposed to be close and with that one particular thing happened, you acted differently. Even pull a face on me. And walkaway. I never thought boys will do it better. Well, I do not lose anything but it is kind of sad to even think of the friendship built between us. Perhaps time will tell. Perhaps.

Moving to another phase is, mom keeps telling me to act my age since I will be turning 20 less than a month or something. I do not really know which one is she emphasizing on acting my age. I feel old already. LOL.

Better, feels like highlighting my old hobbies again. I might go for galleries and art exhibitions again. It has been long since the last one. Sketches or art performance anyone ? I miss watching all of these bold people with exciting personalities. Been missing to make friends again. Le sigh le sigh.

Whatever it is, cant wait for new year's eve :)

Berikan ku hanya satu, hanya satu, Lagu :)

2011-12-26T03:51:00.000+08:00

Smiling is one of the way to show how much you make me happy. Thank you.

A week break is what we need !

2011-12-23T18:05:00.000+08:00

So yeah, the title was a bit over-rated I guess.. Anyway ! I am on mid sem break and I am going to make full use of it ! Mom has planned a vacay to Penang and I am just going with the flow and yea excited too of course ! Assignments ? Well I have to say, semester 4 has a lot to bring ! I never thought of doing any of my work during this break but I guess I'll just have to. Let's see. Economics, Publishing, Graphics, Photo, Journalism, Modern Issue. Rasa macam semua je ada kerja..sigh.

Moving on, I am quite settled down in my personal life. I gather with friends who means a lot to me. And yes, I am happier this way. December is about to end, and I just hope that it keep showers me with good things and Alhamdulillah I received much good news till now. All praise goes to you Allah.

As told by Sir Idham, ''new year new year jgk, tp behave okay. takmau bogel bogel la apa lah'' Hahaha its kind of funny but still, its true ! Do take care dear friends and have a fun time with your family and friends :)

Oh yeah, before I ended this post, check out this cute owl ! Hehehehehe comel kan comel kan comel kan ! I dont know where does it comes from but it stays right in front of my college where I stay. On the tree la of course hehe. So my routine everyday is to check whether this lil cute thing ada atas pokok ke tak. It will definitely make my day if I see it before I go to class. But the thing is, its quite scary and mysterious.. whatever ! Still love you owly ! Muah muah muah, hope to see you sooooooon next year ! :)

Birthday shout out !

2011-12-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

A quick shout out !

Happy oh happy birthday my beloved Siti Athira bt Ahmad Zailan ! It has been a journey for both of us and you know how much I love you girlfriend ! This photo was taken when were in sekolah menengah hikhik I miss this pretty much ! Being 19 on a 19th is awesome shitz because you're officially been pranked with yours truly :P

Thanks to 'dak dak ni' (LOL) the prank went well. Bukan dia sorang je ada MyVi putih tira haha. I hope you like the baju that I've given to you as your birthday present :) later we take official photographs of our baju laa baru padu jyeahhh.

God bless you my friend and may His blessing be with you always and your loved ones. And and may your relationship with le boyfriend stays forever :) I will always be happy for you and be with you through thick and thin. Happy 10th anniversary for us ! (alang alang kann hehehe)

Thanks for being there through all of these years. I am having a jolly wonderful time with you since the day we've been friends :)

Till then, chiao !

Grateful

2011-12-18T04:15:00.002+08:00

Saturday served me well. Alhamdulillah. As I am trying to let in a new phase of life. Adapting new environment. New hope, new beginning since its the last month of 2011. Not to forget I'll turn 20 next month. Time really flies I guess. Its too early to post about December. I might do it on the next post. I'll be having new resolutions and hope I can achieve it well.

For some reasons, I am at ease. I am rational. I am wise enough to make my own decisions. I am better at making choices. God has His way to show things. As for that, I constantly pray for the best. Amin.

Its quite tough deleting the old memories, but it happens to be for my better days in the future. Sometimes you just have to let your ego down and do the right thing.

You called me perempuan gila.

2011-12-17T00:28:00.003+08:00

"Orang nama Sophia mmg selalu gila eh ?" "Bapak kejam nyaaa wehh mana ada !" "Hahahahahahahahaha" "-_____-''

I ended up falling for that. But never mind, the smile is slowly to appear again. Old familiar faces who came back for me. To hold on and to keep me warm. The friendship is there again. And for some reasons, I am glad. I just realised that we spent most of our time singing. Singing makes me happy, kbye.

December rush

2011-12-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

Im in love with December. Please lead me to a beautiful life once again. I am quite ready to touch the sky and believe in dreams again. Thanks to Oh Chentaku's tracks. I found my inner peace. Obsessed. Sangat ! And I am glad too that someone is obsessing over OCK as well. Journey ends nowhere, counting days and swings, asthmara, farewell of summer romance; really reminds me of those singing along days with you. Thanks for giving me a new chapter in life.

In loving memories

2011-12-05T03:47:00.003+08:00

Taken : 27/12/2008

I really miss you. Alfatihah.

Flashback,

2011-12-04T02:57:00.002+08:00

Although we're apart and no longer attached, this song will always remind me of the days we spent together. Through tears and hard days. Forever remembering you. Always. You'll always be in my prayers. May God bless you.

So what is up Ocha ?

2011-12-02T20:07:00.004+08:00

Day by day, I see that I have nothing much to say. Needless to say, but I think this is happening because I am much at ease and I dont stuffed my head and my soul with regrets and heartaches anymore. I learn to let go the bad things in my life that will only cause me teardrops and sleepless night.

The thing is, the more I think, the more I found the answers and the more I feel how stupid I am to actually care for everything that was not real in the first place. I was living in my own fairy tale. And for that, I dont think I will need to believe in such fairy tales and be more realistic in life. Okay so, I am turning 20 next month, I am growing older and I just pray that I wont repeat these stupid mistakes in life. Again.

To conclude, I am grateful to Allah for such episodes. It taught me everything in life. And for that, I hope I will be as cool as I am now when handling stupid things later. Keep your head with positive attitudes. Believe in God, thats for sure. Gather with friends and appreciate life. I know, I sounded so, I dont know, relieved.

Now that everything is different, well not everything but yeah still, I am going with the flow and do what makes me happy the most. Sounds very... alive ! Lol bye

Hello semester !

2011-11-26T02:18:00.004+08:00

Overall, I am pretty much looking forward for this semester subjects. Definitely, what Ive been waiting for are Publishing and Media design and Photo comm class. I seriously am excited for the stop motion assignment. Hoh hoh hoh. Finally something to look forward to.

Well life is back in Lendu and I hope everything will go my way. Since Yott is not around, its kind of weird not having her with me and Peah. We always sit next to each other in class, definitely been missing her since ! And not to forget Su, I kind of miss her braiding my hair and make me look oh so neat :B last but not least, Ain never fail to share her strawberry jam and butter spread on bread with me hehe.

I love my classmates *cheesy much. They are very supportive to each other and I am glad that were one as family although there are some misunderstanding and shits but I dont think it will overtake the bonding session. Awwwhhhh :D cant wait for class's activities. Yeayyyy ! Not to forget that weve been together for 4 semester now. 2 more semesters and then were done ! For diploma of course.

Ok so yeah, that is the recent updates. I am quite fine these days. I can think rationally, I can express much of how I feel at the moment and I am really happy for my healthy condition. Mentally that is.

And I am more careful with boys these days.

Till then, chiao !

Goodluck and farewell friends :)

2011-11-16T03:34:00.006+08:00

Dear Aliya, I am seriously going to miss you. You've been an awesome friend. Like seriously. You're the one who I can share my passion for music and sneakers when no one really understands that. Hehe. Although I have known you for quite in a short period, I must say you are one wonderful friend. Talk about heart to heart, I know I know you have seen me crying and whatsnot and whatever shit hahaha thanks for everything. Seriously, I dont know who I will talk to for this kind of stuffs later, but no worries, goodluck in INC okay :D I know your strengths, use it well and yes, UPDATE ME with any related things about sneakers and of course the FUENTES BROS. Hahaha.

Dear Aliya, hahaha shits. Ok ok, dear Zara, boy I dont know where to start. You've been great as a friend and a room mate. Really going to miss our crazy shits if you know what I mean *keningkening. I had fun, seriously. And thanks for being there through my roughest days and my happy days. You taught me a lot. I am glad to have you around. And yes goodluck goodluck ! Seriously, going to miss you girl ! No more cracking nights or Uncle Bob's nights and longboard night rides. All in all, all the best sistah !

Haha I dont even know why I write such post, I mean were still going to meet anyways :P Shah Alam je pun halahhhh. Haha just that, both of you are quite close to me and its sad to break the chain especially the Bangi lepak chain hahaha, kau jahat Zara tinggalkan aku kat Ayep -.-'' and for Aliya, KKS kurang seorang grr still, goodluck for both of you ! Love you to bits. For the fact that we, the non fast track kids will start soon, enjoy your extended holidays guys ! (I am quite emotional actually hahah wtf kbye)

Of friends and performance.

2011-11-15T00:48:00.005+08:00

Last Saturday we had gathering and live performances at the National Press Club, Kuala Lumpur from yours truly ehem ehem and me familia hehe. Okay I was on the acoustic set only, assisting the bass for my sister's performance. It was great and fun. Dad and his band pull of some oldies songs with Izade on the vocal. Awesome night indeed !

On the other hand, I never thought I can sing Jar of Hearts in front of the crowd. I get nervous on stage, seriously. My voice will be all shaky and bye, one bad performance coming up ! It was a candid performance and my voice was all over the place ! Bajet crowd request la kan suruh nyanyi, kalau tak takde nak nyanyi, puii. Haha. Definitely something. As the song really reminds me of someone special and yet unreachable. For whatever reasons, I dont mind to keep him close. Overall, the night was absolutely something to remember. I have my closest friends that night, everyone was having a good time, chit chatting and had dinner together. Such gathering brings a lot to me.

Will upload photos later I guess. And probably my horrible singing sekali on this blog haha. I had fun, seriously. I miss them so much especially my girls. I really miss them. Its a wonderful feeling that you guys made an effort to come. It means a lot to me. Really thanks guys !

Boy I thought I will shed a tear writing this post. Lol. I am just glad that you guys are there when I need you the most. Through thick and thin together. Thank you. It has been a long journey and I will pray that God blesses our friendship and have us all as one :)

Its not that simple

2011-11-14T03:04:00.001+08:00

Of Aidil Adha 2011

2011-11-06T20:52:00.003+08:00

Babysitting Ellie and I am enjoying every bits of it :) Although its quite sad to spend them alone. Literally alone. All by myself at home with nothing much to do except for reheating the food hehe. Well, my bad for not following them on the family trip :/

For the fact that today it 6th Nov, Happy 21st ARJ. May God bless you and your loved ones. Im quite at ease to see you're doing fine with your life now. Hope that everything will go your way in the future. My prayers will always be with you. And may you find the happiness that you've been searching all this while. Amin.

Semester 3 result are in and . . .

2011-11-04T02:15:00.004+08:00

I am beyond happy with my result.

ALHAMDULILLAH, SYUKUR KE HADRAT ILLAHI.

I dont expect much but this is way cooler than I expected.

For the fact that semester 3 has suck so bad and depressing due to my uncool emotional management, lack of studies, highly influence personal problems, crying sympathetically, eating disorders, cracking a lot and using a lot of my time trying to build myself once more from a severely heartache that I wish I will never get that from anyone in the future. I was distracted with my own depression. To even look back, boy I was being so pathetic over a guy. Which I still feel the same way. . . k whatever Cha, stop it. And for that, I am really glad that I can still pull off some achievement. Better, I got freaking A for my NEWSWRITING man, hell yeah I am proud and I thought I suck so bad. To even add, I dont own any Psychology textbook which is sucks but I managed to get B+ for it. Yeayyy *clapclap

Glad that I can still make my parents proud for getting into the Dean's List. Alhamdulillah syukur sgt sgt Ya Allah. Moga semester akan datang akan lebih baik. See you next sem people :)

Welcoming November

2011-11-03T02:45:00.005+08:00

Time really flies. Its either annoying or wonderful to have last year's memories of this month that is still fresh in my mind. And for the sake that good things had happened last November, makes me want to have even more of good things this time around. I really pray hard that I can overcome my weaknesses. The memories of us are still here. With me. And I never want them to fade too. I know, pathetic me.

Moving on, I actually read these days. Alhamdulillah, by reading it really helps me to get inspired. And kills a lot of my free time doing literally nothing at home. The books that I got from the Big Bad Wolf Book Sale, really accompany me during this semester break. So I shall continue reading and continue getting inspired. (-.-'')

By the way, just finished with The Breakup Bible by Melissa Kantor. Indeed what I really need at the moment. Some of the advice might come in handy in the future :)

Basically I am hooked to this book at the moment. Such an inspiring story. Aron Ralston, the author himself literally cut his arm to escape death. He was travelling alone in the canyon land of Utah. An accident happened and he desperately need to cut his arm just to survive. And he also inserted the picture of the arm that has been cut in his book. I was, well, nearly faint to see the blood lol.

Well not to forget that it has came out with the movie titled 127 Hours. Always a fan of James Franco but I didnt managed to watch the movie yet. Maybe later, after finishing this book eh :)

And yes, welcome oh welcome November. I am trying to stay positive over here and pray that I dont get emotional again and again. Thanks Kerry for the wisdom words, Never shed a tear for someone who isn't there to wipe them away.

Its getting late, goodnight.

1.1.11

2011-11-01T03:29:00.002+08:00

Indulging my 1st Nov with this awesome vid. And happy birthday Pizi Shawal. God bless you ! :)

I wont fall, I am moving forward.

2011-10-31T19:22:00.001+08:00

30th Oct 2011, Rocket Show series

2011-10-31T00:36:00.003+08:00

I dont care what you are going to say, but I just had the best day ever today hihihihihihi. Haihh it has been so long since I have this kind of feeling. I swear I cant stop smiling for the rest of the day. It was beyond unplanned and awesome :)

Myo has officially made my day ! Yeayyyyyyyy ! Oh Chentaku is beyond awesome <3 thanks friends for make it happened for me. I am so happy, like seriously happiest day evver. Maybe I am exaggerating too much but who cares man, Ive been following this band since their first album. And yes definitely Ive fallen for them for quite long, well Myo to be frank. Hihihihi.

K stop this mooshy wooshy post, everything was perfect today even the heavy rain contributed the whole situation. Mana nak dapat sing a long sebelah Myo kalau tak hujan. Tau tau Mimin dragged duduk sebelah Myo je heheheh. Oh my thank God for the heavy rain hehe :)

I can sleep with good things tonight, definitely a day to remember. Haihh like I said, these days are so spontaneous and I am going with the flow. It definitely brings me a lot of smiles :) :) :) :)

Tau tau sempat lak Mimin ambil gambar, and definitely, Avalon Whisper pun awesome juga ! <3

If you cant hang then, there's the door baby

2011-10-29T05:23:00.001+08:00

Going with the wind

2011-10-29T04:01:00.003+08:00

I go with the flow these days. I dont do plans, much more of the days I just go with spontaneous stuffs. It feels good. Yes indeed. And each day I found that I eat a lot now. Alhamdulillah :) Im so happy that my eating habit are back on track. Like seriously, I can put a lot of stuffs in my mouth these days. Anyone would like to invite me to a party or weddings ? Im sure I can eat all of the food that is being served :P

Anyway, for now, I have to wear spectacles permanently. I went to the optometrist the other day and found out that I am officially need a pair of glasses soon. Dah rabun bro. The last time I wear spectacles because I cant stand the lights when I am driving. Silauuuuu. Thats all. But now, I have develop rabun-ness because I like to read my books with dimmed lights. Not good. Kids, do take care of your eyes properly. And dont sit in front of your laptop in the dark, with no lights on. It can strain your eyes. Note that. Im not that expert or anything but please, take care of your eyes :)

To add, nothing much is up, perfectly normal routine everyday. No dramas, I enjoy that pretty much. And no heartaches. Blessed to have friends around that can put away my worry thoughts. I am at rest. But sometimes I do remember the old days. I miss that pretty much but I guess I just have to force myself to embrace the future. Let bygone be bygone. No more looking back. Make your past better, not bitter :)

For now, things that make me happy is my family, friends, hobbies and VIC FUENTES. I know, I am too obsessed over him, so what hehehehehe kbye

Obsession urghh :')

Holiday; current updates, not much.

2011-10-24T20:16:00.006+08:00

Friends are always there for me. Thank you. You guys have been wonderful. I definitely miss my friends at home. And still, a few of them are still missing. Gr.

I dont need to go far, they are all here, at home :) but I do miss the KKS, oh my God we really need to meet up soon !

And to Marco Simoncelli, RIP.

At times, I still am talking to the moon. To stay positive, I am quite fine now. Bit by bit.

Dilemma, you can say that again.

2011-10-19T01:13:00.003+08:00

So I am in the middle of my semester break. Yes, I mentioned it before. So while everyone is enjoying their semester break, the dilemma comes in. By what agenda ? Well, since I just ended up my semester 3, I can actually skip all of my semesters later for diploma and go for fast track for a degree instead. Well I am still stuck in the middle because I seriously have so many doubts in my mind.

Since I was in semester 1, dad already reminded me to go for fast track and stuff. I mean at that time I was not taking it seriously I mean I still have another 2 semesters to go. Still got a lot of time to think what course I want to major in. So yeah, I procrastinate my thoughts of going to degree and whatsoever. But it was different with mommy. Well what she said was, do what your heart desires the most. Ok mom always freaks you out with her wisdom words.

So now, what is my decision ? I can see that a lot of my closest friends are going for fast track. Well I think it is good for them because they've already made their minds on what to major in. As for me, I am stuck in two courses. Its either journalism or advertising. But mostly, I prefer advertising. But what worry me the most is, what if I dont want to pursue in advertising ? What if I want to do another course instead ? What if I cant catch up with the syllabus and suck at my grades later ? These doubts always run through my mind.

Other than that, I will have advertising for my subject for next semester. I think I will go and see how its like with advert. Maybe that is the time where I am sure enough what to major in later. So I guess I will be staying for my diploma instead. And have a glimpse of everything in Mass Communication. Lol wtf did I just said that ? Haha.

Besides, I feel like I have fallen in love with Melaka. Yes its true though. And I have all of these great friends I met and have a tight bond with them, I dont want to end it now. I mean were still friends but we wont be hanging that much later. They are like my second family or something :) So by right I am going to make more time with them and make my diploma years with joy wehooo. Fish, I sounded so gay.

Okay, end of dilemma, I think. After having quite a long doubt in mind, I am sure that I want to stay for my diploma. Yeayness. For those who are going for fast tracks, best of luck dear friends :) it is going to be a new adventure or something for you guys hehe. Have fun in degree later :D

This is such a boring post -.-'' whatever

How can you say no to this ?

2011-10-17T02:31:00.002+08:00

ADORABLE ADORABLE ADORABLE ADORABLE <3

Perfectly hidden.

2011-10-16T02:00:00.005+08:00

She lives her life with smiles and laughter. She has her friends around who will make her go insane. They are trying their best to keep her happy and believe in herself again. And by that reason, she is still remain strong and glad that she could feel the love with them around. Nonetheless, she is thankful to have such amazing and great people around her. Although the emptiness does not fully filled, but that is just enough for her to go on with life.

Sometimes, she has given up to face the issues that she is facing at the moment. It is not easy to accommodate with everything. Sometimes she feels like running away and leave everything behind, but then she realized that would be such a game for cowards. In her sleep every night, there would be tears running through her cheeks. She only let a drop or two to let her mind off from it. The usual bed become temporarily hers. Everything is different. She does not even know where she really belongs to now. All she does is be patient and try to fit in with everything.

It is really sad for her to experience such episodes of what she hopes before will last forever. But everything was never in her control. From her face, everything seems fine. Everything is perfectly hidden behind those smiles. She hopes that in the end, she can live her life freely. Without any worries and mistakes. And still, she keeps on believing.

I hope that she will always be strong and keep believe and have faith in God. I am proud for her willingness to adapt with new environment, I know it was a bit of a change but in the end she tries her best to make it the best she could ever have. Keep strong dear. I believe that you are the chosen one to face all of these. Everything happens for a reason. Make the best of it :)

I feel like a kid again.

2011-10-12T22:13:00.006+08:00

MxPx 2009 ; Arif, Me, Azah, Rez & Izade :')

Rockaway 2011; Nik, Azah, Izade, Zara & Me :)

For some reasons, seeing this picture make me miss EAA so much. I miss you dearly kiddo. Hope you're fine up there. We will always pray for you. Although you are not here with us, but when listening and watching to our favourite bands, we feel your presence. The legendary kid will always be close to our hearts. Though sometimes it is not the same without you around but we put ourselves together and sing our lungs out for you :)

All I can say is, we heart you so much. It will never be the same going to gigs without you. We have grown up but we are still young at heart (Y) The joy will always be remembered. The sweet memories will always be cherished. Good times will definitely be close to us. Thanks for all of the sweat and lovely dance we had together. All of us. I miss Jornos. I miss Ina. I miss Amad. Badly. You know what ? I never get tired writing about you :) God bless you my dear. Rest in peace.

And yes, OCK FTW !

Did I just watched Story Of The Year live :')

2011-10-09T01:49:00.003+08:00

Oh sure I did. And it was beyond epic :') I am just so damn happy. Another dream comes true. I just cant stop smiling. Its the best feeling when you satisfy what you really want to. Kan. So now I am heading to bed with beautiful memories of today. And thanks friends for making my day today. And better, Story of the Year, you are just plain awesomeness especially the last song which is my ultimate fav, Until the Day I Die. I seriously can die :')

To confess, I really miss going to gigs with you. I really really do.

Oh well I cant do anything with that :)

The other half has been completely gone now.

2011-10-08T00:23:00.002+08:00

For me, it is really a big move to delete everything that was still remain as memories. Things that I cherish the most. But now, it has officially gone. At first I was a bit unstable, I dont know what was running through my mind. I felt the absence. It was beyond painful for awhile and I just went to bed. I choose to not think about it so finally it has been gone for good. I hope so. For now, nothing is bothering me, and I hope it wont haunt me back. I just want to remember everything when the right time has come. Because I really appreciated what we've been through together and I wont be the person today if you were not involved in my life. For some reasons, I feel like thanking you for doing this to me. Thank you cause you really has opened my eyes and let me see things differently. Thank you. Thanks for everything.

And still, you will always be in my prayers. I care deeply for you and I hope you will find the happiness that you have been searching for all this while. As for me, I just hope I can go through with what God has planned for me. Through thick and thin, I just hope I will be fine. And yes, I found love in longboarding. So by keepinhg my head on the board, really distract me from everything else. I just hope it will stay this way :)

What else ? Oh I really want to have a great time tomorrow. Story of The Year, you better be good on stage ! Cant wait cant wait cant wait ! K dah dah I dont want to jinx it hehe.

Till then, goodnight people. Going to save some energy for tomorrow heeeee >:)

Well this is kinda fun and stinks at the same time.

2011-10-06T02:25:00.002+08:00

Lovely, beautiful, broken.

Sailing in the wind.

2011-10-04T00:22:00.002+08:00

Finals are over ! Wehihuuuuuuu. So yeah, currently at home and yes I can smell freedom over here ! Freedom as in free spirits ! Wth. Im on medicine currently, and I must say I feel like smiling all day long ~

Okay okay, so when finals are over, semester break comes in (obviously) -.-'' hihi so what are the plans for this break ? Lets see, I dont even have anything in particular except for free riding.

To summarize my finals, I must say all of the papers were fine except for Public Relations paper because I was damn sleepy and all of the information inside my head are slowly fading away. Dammit but never mind, because it was over dah ! Hahaha.

Since now, I am home for good, I really hope that my friends are available for me. If tak, never mind again, I just mind my own business then :) oh yeah btw, the cut currently has no skin on it. Why ? Because it was too itchy as the fluid thingy from underneath the skin started to come out and left it with bubbly effect when it dried out. So went to the hospital again and they scrapped off everything. And now it feels like the first time I have the cut on my elbow -.-'' whatever, I just hope it will dry soon !

Anyway, I hope for good things in the future. Lately. I have been seeing you in my dreams. I really miss you. Only God knows.

Till then.

This is what happened when you dont wear any safety pads and suck at extreme sports LOL

2011-09-30T14:29:00.010+08:00

The 1st day

After a couple of days

I guess that a few of you already know about the news, well to make it official (gampang gila) here are the exact look of this 'beauty'.

HAHAHAHAHA I feel like rolling on the ground right now.

Well what I can say is the cut is beyond disgusting if you really see it in front of your eyes. Haha better yet, everyone has their own looks when seeing this. It takes quite a while to actually dry out the blood and the flesh. I have difficulties sleeping for the past days because the blood keeps dripping off (I just hate blood, ergghh)

The black coloured skin is mostly the deep cut. I lost some skin and obviously there is a hole in there. The small stones actually got stuck in there and I managed to take it out before going to the hospital. I can see the flesh and my oh my it is terrifying. Daging tu gerak gerak rasa macam nak pengsan. Tau tau berlubang je kan, funny.

And thanks to Zara and Anep for the whole experience ! It fills with laughter and laughter and laughter and laughter. Funny how no tears were involved in this experience. Except when the doctor put the acid thingy and totally make my flesh burning like hell. Itu sakit. And yes thanks for being patient with me heheheheh.

Anyways, this experience doesnt stop me from skating. Whatever. The pain is nothing compared to a broken heart. At least I know that this cut will heal, soon :)

LOL-ing

2011-09-27T22:42:00.003+08:00

I dont make sense, and I think they arent making any sense either. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ~

What a night.

Of Saturdayyyyyyy

2011-09-24T16:21:00.005+08:00

Hi, Im a cute lil bunny, no ? K wtf.

Been cracked for a few days. I dont really know why. I dont really make sense for the past couple of days and better yet, I had the best night yesterday tehee. Best, as in between my cracking days, k I am not making any sense am I ?

Btw, I was in Izade's room last night and it was so bloody cold ! Suddenly both of my legs are cramped and shit I dont know what to do since yeah I was the only person who was still awake at the moment. It was hell dark because they turned off the light already and my intention was to shake and twist a little bit of my legs to send those cramps away. So yes I did that, and I feel like hopping off the bed and suddenly I forgot that I was on a double-decker bed and haha you guess the rest. I fell down and it was funneyyhhhh but luckily I fell with my feet on the ground (Fyi, I have a feline instinct -.-")

The night went with Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle movie which was making me insanely cracked, I cant stop laughing, I repeat, cannot stop laughing. And it did not stopped there, then I watched Spongebob Squarepants the Movie. I mean it was not that funny but still I cant stop laughing watching Spongebob and Patrick so eager to be 'men'. FUNNY.

My oh my, I dont know what is wrong with me but I kind of enjoy being this person at the moment (Y) No worries, it is all about me. Yes, me. Nothing else but me. Me, me, me, me. K.

All in all, I am one happy kid and I still dont feel like hitting the books today. No no, I need to study today oh my okay I will :D self-motivations always bring me somewhere ~

Life is all about taking chances

2011-09-21T03:20:00.004+08:00

When I mentioned that I dont feel good, I aint faking it. When I said I need a helping hand, I aint faking it either. And when I said I am fine, I am fine at the moment :)

I just wanted to say thanks for those who helped me to go through this uncool phase of mine. I thought I can do it by myself but I was completely wrong. These few weeks have been nothing but great things. Well yeah there was ups and downs but I feel a lot better when I am with people who actually tried to cheer me up with all of these crazy things lol. I had fun, really. To do things that wasn't something I would go for at the moment really put away those fears.

And and I really appreciate for the advice and words from dear friends. Thanks a bunch :)

Yeah. It is still a long way to go.

Currently, I miss hanging out with my classmates. Missing the girls especially. Hope that I can meet you guys soon !

For the record, I am still the girl you have known for the past years.

Better yet, can I fly now ?

Pierce the Veil

2011-09-20T05:03:00.002+08:00

I might just have to stop posting vids in my blog. Its freaking annoy me much haha. Sometimes the song actually comes in handy where when you dont feel like writing but the whole song has everything you want to say, so yeahh whatever. Kbye.

What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat
I'll be the fire that'll catch you
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
None of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole

What's so good about picking up the pieces ?

What if you dont event want to

CAN DIE LIKE THIS ONE

2011-09-20T02:36:00.002+08:00

ONE WORD, AWESOMENESSSSSSSSSSS. Kbye.

I can cry now haha :')

I am cold

2011-09-18T14:14:00.003+08:00

Feels like taking a long walk or a long drive I dont know just literally do nothing and seize the moment. And yet, feel good about it.

And yeah fcck it I forgot to apply for college next semester and now I am doomed, again. Sigh ~~~~~~~~~~

After a couple of months,

2011-09-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

I wasnt ready for today's incident. I was at a state where I can cry my eyeballs out but I have to suck it in. I seriously dont know what is the best thing to response at that time. I wasnt ready for it at all. I just hope that you dissappear and never see you again. It is plain nerve wrecking and heart breaking and I myself even dont know why I react this way. Oh God, I dont want to go back at my weaker state. I am proud to be who I am these days. Dont let her fall down once more. Be patient Cha. Dont let it haunts you once more. Although it is September, you just have to let it go. Let your mind and soul free from the past.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat hamba mu ini. Im getting weaker

Go Aquarius !

2011-09-15T02:27:00.003+08:00

I found this on tumblr, and I just don't know, it some sort reflects me much. Somehow this is very true, most of them hehe and yess major procrastinator haha

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they’re not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter but will Knock your lights out.

Give me everything tonight

2011-09-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

And the reason is you. I still dont know how to maintain this. All I do is blogging cause here I can really tell the exact thing that I want to express. Sigh. What is wrong with me. Usually after writing a post, I can feel that the burden is lighter. In a way, blogging has been my therapy session to ease everything. I remember my first time having a blogger account, I am not sure what to write here. It turned out to be a little personal through this past years. I can also see myself growing up here, through my writing, my emotions, my diaries, stuffs like that.

Sometimes, I am not sure how I managed to go through every phase in life that has happened to me. I thank God for the strength and guidance. I am happy for what I have. And I am surely want to achieve my goals and dreams in the future.

I dont know where will this post is heading, I am just not sure. I dont have anything in mind. I just feel that I need to have a conversation, that is all. I love spending hours just chit chatting and catching up. I rarely have that now. Feels like everyone has their own direction now and feels like I am still far behind, left out in the scene. Or maybe I just have my period now, that is why I am such emo I guess. Lame. Mood swings always suck.

Anyway, finals are just around the corner, first paper is on Monday. Gosh time flies so fast these days. But I still feel the same. Sigh sigh sigh. I let my past haunts me. You suck badass Cha. Anyway, I hope I can do really well with my finals. This semester has been nothing but depressing and torturing. Everything from the subjects, dramas, and everything else. I try to stand on my own and alhamdulillah slowly I am there.

This sucks. I need to sleep. I guess, goodnight :)

For some reasons, I feel inspired.

2011-09-10T04:19:00.001+08:00

When I close my eyes, I really hope everything will stay this way

2011-09-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

Reshuffling things that I always do. By doing this, the typical routines will somehow change. I feel better, bit by bit. Alhamdulillah. But it sucks sometimes when there are moments when I cant even control the emotions. Fish. Pelan pelan kayuh !

But its okay though. Spending most of my time with myself really gives me a lot of satisfactions. I feel happier this way. Its great. Having me the way I should be. It took effort to come this way. You just have to be ready to face it :)

And yes, got a new routine which I think will lead me to great satisfaction. I am eager to take it seriously. Been observing for a quite long time so yeah I really think that I should get my own deck ASAP. When Im on it, basically all of my worries are blown away with the wind. Good thing ! Oh yeah, I had my first fall today wehihuuuuuu hahahaha I dont know how to describe the pain. You just have to bear with the risk I guess hihi. Going to try to downhill at the new cafe this Saturday, cant wait ! Or lets just postpone it, macam seram je hahaha ~

By the way, Ina. If you are reading this, I hope you know that I am glad that I had a girl talk with you the other day and actually express everything that has been kept inside. Lama tak nangis camtu heh heh heh because I usually suck the tears back in :B Do know that we here, always and always will pray for your safety and your education. Good luck in adapting new environment, new life and the beginning of something new. Have fun in Jordan my dear ! We will miss you so much <3 Arif must be so proud of you, I surely know that.

All in all, I am happy that I learn to live on my own again. Yeayness ! Patience is all you need. Oh and yeah, not to forget, I am staying in a new college with le LOSER heheheheh :P the place is awesome cos we got our own freaking balcony and actually sit on the window bench and have a fun time feeling feeling. Haha. Make it more awesome because everything is orange in colour. The bed, the furniture and even the curtain is orange ! Well I think I really need to be more orange, I mean people said that orange is the colour of ceria and such. Not annoying orange okay !

Last word, my advice is, reshuffle things, get away with your typical routines. Create a new one. You will be glad that you actually make an effort to change it. Believe me. Im getting there, InsyaAllah.

Eid 2011

2011-09-03T03:05:00.005+08:00

Bangi and Muar :)

Hello earthlings ! I dont know why this Raya I am such emotional. I miss every little thing that has happened in my life lately. Every inch of everything. It is sickening cause I remembered everything perfectly in my mind. Despite from all of that, I thank God cause I still stand a chance to celebrate Raya. Its a little different this year cause we had our first Raya in Bangi. Wohooooo !

It is much depressing cause Bangi is beyond empty ! Haha. Oh well looking into the bright side, we drove like maniacs on the road hihi. And the most memorable thing that happened that morning was when Mama asked us to buy santan early in the morning. Sadly, satu periuk santan basi nak masak lodeh. Har har har, tepu jugaklah otak pagi pagi nak cari santan haha. But we managed to get them, thanks to 7eleven, people ! Dah tu je yang bukak pukul 8 pagi haha. Muah muah forever and ever I will love that place ! (except one from my previous working place lah heh heh)

Moving on, this Raya for me is totally different. I am building up myself once more, hoping that I will maintain this attitude, this very positive attitude. If the tears fall down, I quickly suck it in. I am one strong girl, I surely know that :)

Other than driving all the way to Muar later that morning, I managed to get satay and mee bandung. Insert happy face here hihihihihi.

Raya dekat Bangi pun awesome juga. Lots of my close friends have their Raya in Bangi too so yeah I got le friends to celebrate with ! :) Seriously, this Raya is way out of my typical Raya celebrations. Funny how we were so calmed on Raya's eve. Lepak maple with family on Raya's eve. And I got some friends coming to my house on Raya's eve playing mercun and stuffs. Yes tak pernah pernah orang raya rumah orang pukul satu pagi, it counts lah sebab dah 1st Syawal kan hehehe. My oh my, what a Raya post ! Haha

So yeah, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri everyone ! I definitely miss last Raya, oh well :) Maaf zahir dan batin. I hope everyone will have a splendid and blissful Raya this year, Insyaallah with God's will. Much love, xoxo.

Kiddo.

2011-08-30T21:39:00.005+08:00

Visited Arif's on pagi raya makes me so emotional till now. Somehow the good memories from 2008 till the day you passed away haunts me much lately. I miss you incredibly kiddo. Especially your wisdom words. You always makes everything look fine. You will always be there to cheer everyone who needs to get back on track. And at a time like this, I still need the little kid advices to stand where I stand today.

'Rilek la ocha, Kita lepak lepak dulu ok. Nah main Ipod Arif'

You always try to cheer me up when I am down. Altho sometimes I will be really out of mood but you still be patient and try untill I can smile again. You were really concern about who I date and such. Its really funny though hihi. And I really love when you talked about Ina. You were so passionate when having her as a conversation. Awhhh like you said 'Ina ngan Arif kan sugar Ocha :P'

Rindu sgt. Im trying my best to stay strong Arif. Your wisdom words will always be close to me. I miss goofing around with you. Rest in peace my dear, I will always pray for you. Alfatihah Engku Arif Adlan <3

Young at heart.

2011-08-23T23:52:00.003+08:00

It wasnt easy. I put effort. All of the effort needed to get me to where I should stand. New place, new hopes, new life. I am cleansing myself from any sorrow that will make me sad. I am sick of crying. I am sick of being like this. The scars will never heal. The joy will always be remembered. Seeking for a revolution in me, yes. I am focusing on things that I never do or have the chance to do so before. Close the old book, lets open a new one. Put it on a shelf so you can see what had happened in the past. Never throw away those histories, it would be a waste. Cherish the moment that you loved the most. Make it close to your heart. Somehow, it bring smile upon your face. And surely take it as a lesson and be strong. Its for sure that there will be heartache episodes but you just have to let it happen. Let the tears run. Dont ever hold back. Be proud for who you are. You just have to love yourself more and more each day.

Day by day, I realise how pathetic I am. Okay no regret dah. Live with no regret, fight for our blood ! Daymnnn heheh somehow the song got stuck in my head.

Going for Uncle Bob, later !

Apa lah.

2011-08-21T22:38:00.002+08:00

Tidak pernah ada dendam mahupun dengki. Lepaskan sahaja kotak yang lama ku kunci. Buang isinya dan biarkan kosong. Alasan demi alasan menggunung. Aku leraikan dengan omong kosong. Waktu demi waktu lupus. Mungkin benar. Mungkin. Aku pinta yang baik baik sahaja. Moga dimakbul tuhan. Amin.

Aku mulai bangkit, tahu kedudukan ku. Taraf yang tidak sama mungkin. Mungkin. Mentah lagi kau ni Cha. Usah risau yang lain, tetapkan iman. Manis manis bukan faktor utama.

Lu jangan macam macam sama guwe. Ngapain sik bingung bingung. Bikin ribut aja kepalanya. Ah sudah. Aku pun dah terikut budak budak kelas ngomong nya indon.

Redha.

Like I used to.

2011-08-15T16:03:00.002+08:00

Tumblr-ing (Y)

Naluri prankster kian menebal

2011-08-15T00:33:00.006+08:00

She's out of control. Beware. Don't get mad, she is just finding her way back in to the crowd that she belongs to.

Random: DURIAN ! I WANT DURIAN ! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA I am so awesome kbye

Goodbye, my hopeless dreams

2011-08-10T01:37:00.003+08:00

Hati mati. Saat bila aku meminta petunjuk tentang sebuah ceritera, tidak ada pula tanda tandanya. Kadang aku merenung, mungkin apa selama yang aku lalui hanyalah permainan dunia. Sekejap ia muncul, sekejap ia pergi. Perit itu masih segar. Kadang terasa seperti boneka, dimainkan pabila perlu dan disimpan pabila tidak mahu. Titisan demi titisan jatuh ke riba. Aku perlukan semangat dariNya. Seluruh jiwa ku serahkan kepadaNya. Pelbagai manipulasi muncul. Mungkin semua ini hanya bibit bibit angan angan yang selalu semua orang dambakan. Hati ini tidak akan pernah tenang. Aku cuba untuk berdiri tetapi malangnya gugur juga.

Positif. Itu yang kian ku lakukan. Ramadhan ini aku pinta untuk lebih tenang. Aku seingin ingin lihat diri ini seperti dulu. Berdikari tanpa pernah kisah yang lain. Ego ingin melakukan semua perkara sendirian. Melihat sesuatu dengan lebih khusus. Aku ingin berjalan di bumi realiti kembali. Aku harus sedar, semua episod itu adalah mainan mimpi. Fairy tales bak kata orang. Pedulilah semua itu. Mungkin ya, aku pernah singgah sebentar tapi itulah, pada dia aku mungkin hanya menyinggah. Tidak lebih dari itu. Positif tak positif, aku juga punya perspektif sendiri.

Dalam kala hati luka lara, demam pula datang bertandang. Sesungguhnya demam ini amat menyeksa. Mental dan fizikal tidak berdaya menampung lagi. Aku kadang hairan mengapa aku sebegini gelisah. Kerna aku kira sakit yang sedia ada jauh lebih menusuk berbanding ini. Aku amat bersyukur dengan segala apa yang dikurniakan olehNya. Segala perkara ini ada hikmahnya. Jadilah hamba yang kental, belajarlah menjana hati pejal. Sesungguhnya Allah itu mahu menunjuk kuasaNya. Redha atas ketentuanNya.

Buang segala resah. Banyak banyak lah berdoa. Amin.

His blessings.

2011-08-05T02:38:00.004+08:00

All in all, I believe that I have found the light that I have been searching for these days. The light that will never fade. God is always there for me, I strongly believe that. Keeping myself close to Him is definitely keeping me back on track. Bit by bit. Although the scars wont heal but its okay. I let God do his works. And I do found my inner peace. Thank you Allah for such blessings. This Ramadhan will be a starting point for me, InsyaAllah.

Comforting

2011-08-03T16:41:00.003+08:00

I just need my high school's friends and my childhood friends now. I really need them in order to go through the days. In order to get me to the top again. My first day of berbuka puasa was nice. I spent my berbuka with sister and my deary high school friend. Tak lain tak bukan Ayep lah kan haha.

The feel is different. The conversation is different. The inside jokes are always different. I feel in my comfort zone once again and yes I can talk to really anything that is bugging inside my mind at the moment without people judging me and so forth. And of course, the way they solve the issues are much way different. Because they know me well, I guess.

Frankly speaking, I miss them so much. I miss being in 2008 & 2009. Things back then aren't that much complicated like these days. I was really reckless, hyper and stupid. Haha stupid, yes stupid. Funny.

Ya Allah, can you please bring her old perky behavior once more ? Cause she really needs it to find herself again. To figure out what is wrong with her. Why couldn't she let go everything that is bitter in her life now ? It brings much pain to her heart and soul.

Oh yes, I got some things that is in my list that I want to do in these upcoming days. I hope everything will go as planned :) I really hope it can bring a lot of smile to me. I really really hope that, it will accomplish my new resolutions.

Alright, time to go and hunt for food at bazaar Ramadhan. I am craving for, hmm I guess I dont figure out that yet. Heh

To bring hope in this broken world.

2011-08-02T16:25:00.000+08:00

#step one

2011-08-02T15:23:00.004+08:00

I started sketching, again.

I started singing, again.

I started writing poems, again.

I started reading, again.

I started isolating, again.

I started listening to new stuffs, again.

And I started crying, again and again.

Forgive me. I wish I was stronger.

Ramadhan datang lagi.

2011-08-01T00:35:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan sudah muncul, titik suai kenal mula terlintas. Aku bahagia tersenyum terkenang kembali hari hari itu. Sungguh naive dan comel bisik hati ini. Dan paling awesome aku berani mengatakan aku benar benar telah jatuh cinta. Sungguhpun ia tidak lapuk hingga hari ini. Power sungguh penangannya. Kata kata manis ku terima waktu itu. Ramadhan bagiku sungguh bermakna buat detik itu. Satu pun aku tidak lupa kenangan manis manis.

Ku kira Ramadhan itu penuh dengan keberkatan. Walakin hati dicuri diajak bercanda aku tidak pula menyangka tempoh yang disandang agak lama. Senyum sorang sorang. Itu yang bingkis ku lakukan sekarang. Terkenang sejarah tahun lalu. Manisnya. Ya Allah manis sangat. Tidak ku sangka ia datang dan pergi bulan itu.

Dibawa angin, diulit mimpi kini. Kadang jiwa ini meronta minta kembali waktu itu. Mungkin waktu itu aku masih mentah, menelan apa jua bentuk ceritera. Yang bisa ku rumus, aku bahagia detik itu. Saat yang ku nanti telah tiba. Ramadhan oh ramadhan.

Moga kali ini membawa lebih makna buat diri ini. Moga menjadi jalan pedoman buat semua. Moga diperbaik hubungan renggang. Moga diisi segala kekosongan iman di dada. Moga diperbetul apa yang salah. Moga berduyun amalan pahala. Moga bermuhasabah sesama kita. Moga ketenangan dapat dicuit kembali. Moga moga.

Ya Allah, moga Ramadhan kali ini membawa senyuman lagi buatku. Ku pinta hanyalah yang baik baik sahaja. Buang jauh jauh dendam di dada. Yang hitam hitam ditonyoh keluar. InsyaAllah, Ramadhan ini penuh keberkatan buat kita semua :)

Plupp plupp. Hmm.

Currently, I am musically, Inspired. It controls everything that I do these days.

Dan aku memang penakut

2011-07-31T01:52:00.003+08:00

Chillax

2011-07-28T03:09:00.003+08:00

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat ku untuk hari hari yang mendatang.

My heart skips a beat

2011-07-24T02:44:00.002+08:00

Fikir punya fikir

2011-07-23T03:05:00.004+08:00

The clock is ticking, my stomach is grumbling. Okay it doesn't rhyme. Or is it ? Never mind.

Sometimes when I am driving all alone, this brain will start to work. I mean my thinking mode. I will start thinking this and that. Unnecessary stuffs for sure. Things that might hurt or bring a smile upon my face. I dont know. Sometimes it doesn't make much sense. Kan ? Entah. Okay, lost kejap. Ermm haihh.

For what I can say is, dugaan Tuhan tu pelbagai rupa dan bentuk. We just have to suck it in no matter how hard it is. Well that is life. Just don't give up that easily. I am being positive to myself. Though the misery is piling up and up, I just have to go through it. Put away those worry thoughts. In fact, it is not your problem to handle. It belongs to others. So why put it in the middle of your brain, Cha ? Because I care the hell of it. Oh shut it, now what do you tell yourself recently. You want to have your 'me' time kan ? So I think it is best for you to just think about yourself first. Do things that you wanted to do badly.

Self monologue. Nice.

Mid semester breaks almost come to an end, and I still cant figure out what I wanted to do most. Probably I just hang out with Mama tomorrow and have a nice day off with her. Kan. I just want her to be happy now, she cant have all this stress around her. It is very bad for your health, Ma. So I guess we will be spending time together, boleh la pau Mama shopping baju hikhikhik :P

Ok ngantuk sudah, goodnite peeps ! Have a great weekend indeed.

Precious

2011-07-20T16:12:00.000+08:00

Gelang tu dah gone, hilang :'(

19th July

2011-07-20T01:01:00.004+08:00

Bangun pagi pagi cari white roses dgn Azah but ended up with red roses instead because the white roses didnt seem to appeal that much of the attention. Mcm nak layuuu jewww. Anyways, went to Cyberjaya and went to Mama's office with le best friends. It was hahaha awesome, aksi berani mati banyak kali sebab hampir terlepas simpang. Sent those flowers to Mama :) To be honest, this is my first time buying a bouquet of flowers to a person and thanks Azah for making
it happened hihi. And yes, Happy Birthday to Mama again :D

Akmal comel haha

Later, spent the day with these awesome peeps. It has been awhile kan. Adventura harini memang gentle adventura lah. Our plan of taking the public transportation succeeded. Lama bhai tak ber adventura, But, all we did was complaining and complaining how painful was our feet and back. I think that was only me la kot haha. Yeapppp those adventurous day was way in the past I must say. I mean, looking back, we used to be darn energetic. Healthy. Look at us now, lazy ass. Especially me. Baru jalan sikit dah diam, penat. Need to boost more on the energy, exercise Cha !

Azah dah boleh berhenti buat muka stone dah sebenarnya. Rez pula paling senonoh dalam ini picture hikhik. I love you peeps goodnight <3

Bangun

2011-07-19T09:11:00.002+08:00

I am documenting my moments so I really can tell what has happened in the past. I used to write in my journal but I guess the journal has been too personal lately and I am sick of looking at it. And to even let me see how is the progression of living the life I own now. It is great, when you have the right persons and the right reasons to share that with.

My daily routine would be, waking up and see his name on my mind. You know how beautiful to even have that every single day. It some sort of in automatic mode or something. But it is sort of cool I guess. Eventually, it has made my days for this couple of weeks. It does bring a lot of smiles at the same time. Oh well.

God knows what is He doing. And yes I believe something good will happen to me. Oh yes I appreciate much of the life that I have now, but it seems I have been doing things for others, not for me. Not that I dont feel great doing that, it is just I think I really need to do some things for me first, especially now.

I am sorry if I was being a jerk or something to anybody, I just need my 'me' time. I feel lost for a few weeks and I hope I will get back on track. I always believe that God is listening to me. And He listens to every words that I feel I need a shoulder to spill out every stories. And I thought I was that strong. I hope the misery will go away and the sweet memories remain close in my heart. I wish.

And I still am talking to the moon.

Ok, sakit perut gila bye

Baby pretzel.

2011-07-16T18:10:00.003+08:00

Scrolling the old text messages make me smile and shed a tear at the same time :') you are beautiful. Believe me. All in all, thanks for all of the memories. I'll keep you close in here and nothing will stop me from remembering everything. Whatever happens for whatever reasons later, nothing beats you.

I will take this path and create my dreams. Trying to go through the days and put a smile upon my face. Just go with life. I will take every challenge that will come my way. Stay healthy, Cha.

I am learning to control the emotions.

And I know, Kuki will always be there when I need a hug :)

Again, thanks for everything.

I dont need to care much then

2011-07-16T13:20:00.002+08:00

Manusia memang suka merumus sesuatu daripada mata kasar sahaja. Biarkan.

Smile

2011-07-12T18:32:00.003+08:00

People dont really know what is inside my head. What I actually feel. What I actually desire most. I just let them see what they need to see. The joy I put on my face cant beat what I really need at the moment. All in all, I thank God for everything. I know it is hard but I just have to face it. Be patient, Cha. Patience is all you need. Keep calm and think positive. He wants you to do so.

Ok, enough of it. Guess whos coming home for ze weekend ? ME hihihi. Cant wait to go home for mid sem breaks ! Wait for me and Izade okayh Mama, Babah and not forgetting Sarah :D hihi I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuu all.

K, gonna start packing packing haha beriya sgt.

Anyway, going to watch Izade performing at Dataran Keris tonight. Goodluck ! :)

Of Induction + FESKOM + Masscom Idol

2011-07-11T12:27:00.008+08:00

Hello earthlings !

Weekend served me fine. Awesome. And I think it was the highlight for this semester. Lek lu, byk lagi event hihi. Though I still feel sick and have fever now, but nothing beats the friendly environment filled with various love from everyone *muntah darah

It felt awesomeness because, guess who came and visited us ?

*drum rolls

Akir & Lepplepp :D yeayyyyy !

The morning started of with Induction & FESKOM. Induction to all Part 1 students. Damn, I forgot to snap Izade's photo kena tepung. Aishh nevermind :P Moving on, for FESKOM every class has been assigned to represent a movie and so forth. There were KAMI the Movie, Magicka, Adnan Sempit, Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah and I couldnt remember anymore hahaha. Well for my class, we represented 1957 Hati Malaya. Hahaha it was fun really !

It was fun, really :) Especially when your classmates are extra supportive. Kudos ! Spent ze weekends with these absolutely awesome people (Y)

And for ze night, Masscom Idol & Battle of the Bands were held. Well, it was fine though.

Thanks to awesome people for making my days. Though I still cant afford to get you out of my mind. Nevermind. Thanks Akir, Lepplepp, Kerry, Hafiz, Zara & Izade :)
To Akir and Lepp, good luck in Degree ! Adik adik dah besar dah sekarang hahahaha

Self motivate

2011-07-08T18:59:00.003+08:00

Keeping you close in my heart is never the wrong thing to do. I mention your name every time in my prayers. It is never torturing to remember the good old days. It never fails to keep me remembering where I came from. When it all started. When it all happened. God knows what is best for us. Keep strong and straight ahead. Pray for good things in the future. Achieve what you need to achieve. Life is about taking chances. Make wise choices. Love yourself. Don't torture yourself anymore. As far as I am concern, I had the best things so far. I will just have to stay strong and leave everything to God. Alhamdulillah. I wont be giving up that easy, Insyaallah :)

Just the way you are

2011-07-07T11:42:00.000+08:00

Tahi kering bak kata Azah

2011-07-07T00:18:00.004+08:00

Apa yang menarik ? Angin meniup sayu sayu di bibir tingkap. Tapi bahang juga bilik ini. Tak mengapa, lupakan sebentar. Apa yang konfem ialah perasaan tak tenteram itu sudah ku minta petunjuk Yang Maha Esa. Moga doa doa ku di rahmatiNya. Amin.

Bukan senang mahu melangkah dengan normal jikalau pernah ditolak oleh anasir anasir liar. Nak nak tolak masuk longkang terus. Oh itu sakit weh. Ouch. Apa yang ingin dilakukan sekarang adalah bangun daripada longkang itu dan tolak gampang semua anasir tadi. Pergi mampus. Aku tak perlukan tomahan anjing kalian.

Hari hariku ditemani beberapa titisan hujan spontan dari anak mata. Bukan yang aku pinta, aku masih cuba mengawal emosi. Agak agak Mama dan Babah saja yang tahu aku ni kuat emosi. Paling emosi dalam famili. Hoish.

Perkara yang paling ku kehadapan kan ialah keluar dari kelompok tipikal. Sebab kelompok tipikal membawa aku kepada kenangan dan memori manis manis. Kadang kala gatal nak rasa yang masam masam pula, kan.

Hoish layan pulak angin ni, tadi aku berbicara dengan bulan dekat parkir atas bukit tu. Mahu bergallon air mata berjurai jurai. Yang pasti sekarang dah waras balik. Pabila emosi disimpan dah dimampatkan, haa tahu tahu je lah apa yang jadikan. Banjir.

Banjir, banjir, banjir. Lupa nak cerita pergi waterworld dengan classmates siang tadi. Terima kasih for making my days full of laughter though inside here, the pain is still hurt. Nevermind, I will cherish all of the moments with le friends and family.

Ubat yang paling berkesan ialah, texting with both of your parents about your day. I am enjoying my time texting with Mama every single day. I love you deary. Take good care of your health Ma. And Babah too. I miss you both. K k taknak berjurai lagi. Harus terus berusaha memandang ke hadapan.

God is always with you. Through every single journey in your life. Be grateful :)

Cas cas

2011-07-04T13:04:00.003+08:00

Tidur dalam tidak lena memang sakit. Sakit yang tidak diduga peritnya. Dada bagai ada api yang memercik. Membunuh pedihnya. Kadang kala ditemani pula pemikiran songsang. Bikin kepala ribut. Kusut. Manakan sama dengan malam malam terdahulu. Kali ini memang membunuh. Toleh kanan, toleh kiri. Tidak ada yang pasti. Pasti dengan apa ? Pasti dengan jawapan. Entah. Mata kian kabur, kononnya mahu tidur. Bangun esoknya dengan mata beruang panda. Panda comel apa. Paling perit bila terjaga, pemikiran kini kosong. Umpama tin kosong. Jika ada batu dalamnya, adalah bunyi. Ni batu pun tak ada. Musykil musykil. Takpe, lama lama penuh lah batu batu tu.

Wishlist makin labuh, duit makin haus. Kusut kusut. Nak tak nak kena lah sabar beberapa kerat hari. Bila mahu kerja ? Dapat pula nak kerja time time begini.

Hati degup pantas lagi, asal susah sangat nak tenteram. Tuhan tu sentiasa ada Cha. Mohon cahaya Nya. Bukan lah hidup di dunia jika semuanya tenang dan harmoni. Kan ? Tuhan nak duga tanda sayang. Bersyukur kerana masih bernyawa, masih sihat walafiat, masih bernafas, masih berada di bumi nyata. Masih mampu berkata kata, masih waras, masih boleh berfikir.

Lemak minda ni dengar nasihat suruh kau makan, apa susah sangat nak makan ni, Cha. Entahlah, biarkan saja. Bukan suka suka tidak mahu makan. Perut sentiasa penuh dengan angin. Kenyang lah dia.

Yaaa nak cari tempe. Tempe goreng peneman luka. Harmoni dapat makan tempe :)

Mimpi lagi

2011-07-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

Bila nak dapat ni, Ya Allah :(

Tuhan itu Maha Mengetahui

2011-07-03T14:15:00.002+08:00

Holding back those tears and faking a smile is what I tend to do when people mention his name to me. I dont know how to go through this. Ya Allah, besarnya dugaanMu ni.

Ceritera

2011-06-23T20:16:00.003+08:00

Tangan ke dada mata ke atas

Well said.

2011-06-21T21:01:00.004+08:00

He is the one that I wanted badly. Do know that. Every night I put myself to sleep, tuck in with his shirt just to make sure that he will come in my dreams and take me far away from here. Far away land just the two of us. I miss spending time with you. I do. Every night I will make myself to have a little conversation with Kuki. I hold it tight and I told it how my day was spent and complaining things that I did not complain to anybody else. Then I just keep it close to my chest till I can feel my own heart beat. Sometimes I may run into tears and still keep on smiling. Till I finally fell asleep. Kuki is the best thing to bring along when you want to have a good night sleep.

I remembered having Kuki for the first time. I hand it over to you and said I really want it ! Nak nak nak nak nak :) Kuki was so clean and neat ! Now, it got a little stain on ze eyes. Later I will go and mandi mandi you okay !

I love both of you, incredibly.

And I am still dreaming of you every single night. I dont know, I just want you so much I guess. Later.

Iyaaaa itu dia

2011-06-21T01:00:00.005+08:00

Cracked. Sumpah lama tak gelak gelak mcm lahabau. I seriously laughed my lungs out tonight. I even lost words for it. They made me laugh like shit. I feel like let loose myself and push everyone away from me and dance my way in. I can feel my heart pounds faster. With every rhythm in my mind. With these people around. I feel like screaming out those things that have been bugging my head. And seriously, I think I will go nuts now. Seriously, no lie.

And everyone will get sick of me cause I will be so irritating and doesnt make any sense. At all. So yeah, Faez botak macam sami. Well itu bahan gelak paling mujarab. Smooth bai kepala lu hahahahhaahahahahahaahaha. K.

Im finding my way back. To the top. And yes, I want that deck. Seriously. I want it, I want it, I want it. I hope, dapat sebijik this weekend :)

Dear God, thank you for giving me such strengths to go through everything that will come my way. Alhamdulillah, I am still at a good state. I pray for everything will be fine.

Calling all back ups. Ocha is back on track ! :)

On a second thought,

2011-06-20T01:23:00.003+08:00

LIVE with no regret, FIGHT for our blood.

Gua nak jadi kental macam dulu dulu. Apedehal. Dulu boleh, asal sekarang tak boleh. Steady :)

Satu malam layan sorang sorang, lagi apedehal.

Besok parak mata lagi la apedehal.

Pergi kelas buat tak hairan jela panda eyes. Hihi

Seek and destroy, set to destroy, alah lebih kurang jeww.

Chill chill, esok kita pergi usha lembu kay ? Cantik.

Kasut baru kasut baru kasut baru kasut baru. Agak agak apa meaning dia ? Haa kasut baru lah gaya dia :D hahahahaha come to me babeyhhh.

Lepak bawah pokok pun syok jugak. Haa lepak atas bukit pun best. Cendol kental satu. Hoyess.

Oh lagu pergi jahanam kian sangkut di kepala haha nice lahhh first time pergi gig sejuk tak berpeluh. Wow. Nice sgt. Aircond free flow bai. Nice nice nice.

Kalau macam ni tiap tiap minggu gua gerak, pakai kot pun tkpe. Sejuk punya pasal hihi.

Tawaf satu kampus, layan reggae, itu sudah menjadi norma di sini.

Oh kalau nak bersetubuh tu jauh jauh, kacau pemandanganku di malam hari. Gua nak cakap dgn bintang pun tak senang.

Im losing my mind, dont mind me, lama dah tak macam ni.

Babah

2011-06-19T23:06:00.003+08:00

Happy Father's Day Babah, I love you and I hope you are always in a good state of health. Since I enter my college life, I seem been thinking who will always entertain you with making you tea and such. Ehemm I know I will always be the one who makes the best tea in the house. Hehehehe. Had a fun time with the family today. Though everyone is tired, I can see that from their faces. Babah bought me kek lapis Sarawak which is so awesome. He just got back from Kuching.

All in all, I love you. I miss being at home.

Mama

2011-06-17T01:56:00.001+08:00

I love you Mama, I cant stop thinking about you. Take care. Makan tu pantang pantang. I will call you everyday from now on grrrrr. Love you :')

I know my limits

2011-06-16T00:51:00.005+08:00

I am trying to be true to myself. I try so hard to keep on track. I even pretend to be normal. I am trying to face the facts. I force myself to recover. I try to live the life that I love so much, that I care deeply.

You know at some point, you might face your down moments and such, and you feel like giving up or something. Yes I have been there, but no. I am not giving up. I try to get up by myself. I thank those people who helped me go through the process.

And seriously, I dont expect that people would noticed that I got skinnier. And fuck, I hate to lose weight. Pipi tak tembam dah bro. And I found it so hard to always tarik seluar naik atas hahahaha. K not funny.

Anyways, my eating habits are now back on track. I guess. I feel so touched for those who tell me to eat and such. Thank you for concerning people. Really. I really appreciate it. I wouldnt know that people actually bother about it. And alhamdulillah, slowly I force those food in my mouth and though I dont feel like eating, I just keep on chewing sampai rasa nak muntah. Hahaha bosan kan bila makan pun kena paksa. And really, thanks siapa yang teman gua makan sampai habis (though sebenarnya korang yg makan lebih kannnn hihi)

You know, I am sorry for deary classmates. I dont know, some friends told me that I act strangely in class and always by myself. I am not isolating myself, no. It just maybe I have been thinking too much and you know, I am trying to keep cool. All in all, dont worry, I am just fine :)

And to my dearest sis, Izade. Im sorry if I accidentally burst at you or anything. I know you must have feel so annoyed with me. I am just too stress. With assignments and other things. Because somehow you are blood-related to me so I dont know, I tend to just let everything out at the moment. And yes in a way, you are the closest person who I can call home. I am so sorry, seriously. And yes, I feel so proud seeing you perform for the audition just now :') Keep it up. I know you just love to strum the guitar and sings to the moon.

So yeahh, that just it really. To big bro, thanks. Thanks for concerning. I dont know how to reply your good deeds. You have seen my ups and downs so far and I dont know how you can actually be interested to even care. Hihi thanks la bro !

Arghhhh panjang la pulakkkk post, menyirap betul. K thanks bai nak tidur. Been hanging out with le favourites and its awesome. Goodnight.

P/s: Listening to Paramore makes me remembering the under the moon and phone lights so much. I miss you like seriously hell

A spontaneous weekend.

2011-06-12T23:57:00.004+08:00

I have different agendas really, for the weekend but I ended up doing something else.

I was going for settling things but it turned the other way around, I just spent my time doing things that made me go HA HA HA HA HA and put away all of the issues.

Saturday served me fine. Ashman invited me to watch him perform. Kena prank lah lagi sekali kan. I thought when he said, "Perform kat Equaltorial la Chaaa". I thought it was going to be held at Hotel Equatorial keee kannn, mana tau dapat gig kat prom ke ape ke kan mana la aku nak tauuu ! Tau tau Equal Studio argghhh Kajnang satuuuu. Gaya cam dah berubah je Kajang, ada Pappa Rich kat celah tuu. Lama tak jalan jalan lahhhh, terperuk kat Lendu jewww hmm. All in all, nice lahhh abg perform pakai selipar oren. Yg lain lain tumpang happy lahhh. It did make me loosen up a bit. A bit.

Fixie Matin jadi tempat meluah emosi. Seronot jugak lepen dgn Matin dengar cerita jam G-Shock dia tak habis habis.

Sunday really made my eyes open wide. Surveying decks oh my God me so speechless. Macam nak culik satu. Arghhhh. But still, looking for a cheaper one. Kau ilekkk je Chaa. Nak seribu daya, taknak seribu dalih.

The main reason for this hobby is because I need something to ease my mind from issues that can always put down my emotions. That can affect me physically. Insyaallah when I start to take serious on this, I can take away those unnecessary thoughts that always been bugging me. Insyaallah.

Father dan mother dah bagi green light dah nak beli, apa lu tunggu lagi :')

Hikhik.

K bye.

Oh yes, I miss you so much and I love you the most. Hope things will get back to normal and you know I will always be there for you and accept you for who you are. Hope that you know you are always here in my mind, most of the time. From the moment I open my eyes and the moment I go to bed. You.

K bye.

Chicks

2011-06-09T11:07:00.000+08:00

Wishing,

2011-06-09T10:34:00.001+08:00

I need Bieber to tell me that I am special.

2011-06-07T15:01:00.003+08:00

Hello, greetings.

Been bored for the past few days. And the sadness inside remains inside. It doesn't get out or even fade away. I have been keeping it for too long. And I just need a simple answer. I dont know how to say anymore. Tears just remains tears. I just wish things will be like how it used to be.

I dont know why, I have lost my appetite. I didnt eat much. And that creeps Mom out of it. She calls on the phone to make sure that I EAT. Susah hati kot Ma. Taktahu lah. Mom said I lost weight, yes I can see that myself. Even my jeans aren't fit anymore T.T

I cant sleep at night, Ive been having nightmares and by that time I dont know who to call to :( Nobody answers my calls now. I dont know who to share my so called mimpi bukan bukan. I just dont know.

I want my old me to come back. I dont want to order Nasi Goreng Kampung and only eat for couple of spoons and that is it, Im full. What kind of bullshit is that. Even, I had breakfast this morning with the girls and I am the only one who didnt finish her food. Come on, Ocha selalu comes with extra food. What is wrong with you.

I extremely miss those days. When Arif was still here. When boyfriend treated me like a princess. When Jornos still having their fun time dancing like nothing can get their ways. When gigging days were still what we look forward to. When monorail and trains still be our main transportation. When Adyb was still in Oh Chentaku. Everything.

Things changed. I get it. But I cant afford to swallow everything in one piece. I pray God for the strength. Every single day. Dear Lord, I need those strengths. Amin.

Now, I want to do something for myself. I am interested to start a new hobby. Things I never wanted to do badly, but now I think I am ready for it. Gonna make a few research and hopefully I will own it as soon as possible :) Insyaallah.

Go figure !

Just so you know,

2011-06-05T12:19:00.003+08:00

When it comes to time, I can be pretty punctual. So dont let me down cause it would break my heart cause you people already give me hopes. Thanks. I dont like to be hurt. Cause Im tired of accommodating.

Welcome !

2011-05-31T23:23:00.000+08:00

Hello semester 3, be nice to me.

Results !

2011-05-25T02:39:00.002+08:00

Oh yes, the result came in and I get what I wanted. Alhamdulillah :) Im happy for my friends who got in the Dean's List too. Yeayy our efforts really paid off ! Like so awesomenessss ! Congratulations to all !

Freshie

2011-05-23T01:19:00.004+08:00

Was helping sister for her registration and stuffs in Melaka today. It felt so weird really, haha. So the sisters will be reuniting again later and so on. Geezzzz feel like school all over again.

We stayed in A Famosa on Saturday, and as far as I am concern if I dont stay in college this upcoming semester, I will be staying here, in A Famosa, well that was the plan before with my other house mates so called to be. Mommy said no no you have to stay inside, look out for your sister. Shesshhhh. And it is quite far, blah blah blah. Thanks Izade. Thanks.

But the thing that ticks me off really, when we arrived at A Famosa yesterday, mommy said you know what, you should stay here later on. See ? Moms can be a little unpredictable. I was like . . . Maaaaaaaa ! Why you no make your mind laaaaaa hahaha adoi geramnya dengan Mama. I already decline my friend's offer and already accept the college accommodation. I dont even have the word for it. Haha whatever lah, see how it goes later on :)

Anyway, I was in my jealous mood all the time today. Ergh. Okay so went registering my sister. Then she said 'Tun Putih' to me and first thing that was in my head was hahahaha padan muka kolej tinggi har har har. Kakak yang sangat zalim suka gelak kan adik dapat bala.

But things wasn't as bad I thought it would be. She got freaking AIR CONDITIONER in her room and I was like damnnnnnnn how come ?! There are just four of them in the room and the room is big okay, like seriously big and the floor with tiles, extra study tables which they have five of them and everyone got their own mirror T.T

Not so torturing like I thought it would be. . . .

I hate you, Izade.

. . . . . .

Hihi kidding.

Oh yeah, met a few of my juniors from school too. I guess everyone is in the same block as her. Hello Bangi people :D Cant wait to go start the new semester though.

On second thought, aha no no no, I rather stay home hehe.

Story

2011-05-20T16:32:00.001+08:00

Things that never to be bored of, YOU.

I miss you :')

I really do. I love you awk.

Another day

2011-05-20T14:56:00.003+08:00

Hello people of the world :) good day good day. It seems like its been raining all day, but thats okay. I enjoy it pretty well.

So tomorrow I am heading to Melaka. Which is so not in my wish list so far for this sem break. I guess I just have to suck it in because my sister is going to register on Sunday. Goodluck sis ! Things that I just regret the most is I am used to be at home now. The comfortable feelings. Being in pyjama and do nothing except for house chores. I am starting to love being home again. But I guess it wont stay for long.

I want to be home, because that is the only feeling I feel closer to everything. Closer to you. Even though I just lay on the couch all day. It is just, maybe because you know that everyone is in town and have their very own good times.

I hope before I go back for 3rd semester next week, I still manage to give you what I have been wanting to give you for so long. I hope I can give it to you myself, if not I will just have to ask somebody else then :)

I am trying my best to make this sem break as my awesomeness break so far, cause I know I am going to be as busy as hell later.

Ive been holding back my tears so far cause I know by crying, it wont do any much of a different. It may just lighten your burden, thats all. But nothing will change much.

I have been missing Arif so much lately. I shouldn't say this but I still wish you were here. I dont know how to make myself feel better with this kind of emotions in my mind. I just hope your wisdom words would make me feel better. I dont know, I am so sorry. I shouldn't. Hmm :(

Well I try to sleep as early as I can yesterday, but I failed, again. I have been sleeping at 5.30am everyday in the morning. I just want my normal sleeping time again ergh this is so hard. I have tried so many times to fix it but it doesnt go the way I wanted it to be.

So I ended up singing out loud to Oh Chentaku tracks non stop and had a very good laugh about it. I miss singing to OCKs. I was singing in the dark and for some reasons I forgot some of the lines and I just realised how spooky it is to sing in the dark so I pushed myself to sleep. Still, I cant get to sleep ! Har har har this is super hard. I hate it.

Ok damn, now I feel like crying. Damn you, Myo. I hate how you compose your songs erghhhhh. But secretly I still have a big crush on you har har har. Myooooooooo hihihi.

P/s: Dear Myo, thank you for such nice songs. Really down to earth kind of songs and you never fail to make me feel so emotional and remember all of the sweet memories of mine and relate everything from your beautiful songs. The story is much reflects everything in everyone's life. For some reasons, you are an inspiration to me. Thanks <3

Candles.

2011-05-16T00:09:00.003+08:00

I feel like singing in the rain and let it all out. Everything that I have kept for so long inside here. The doubts, regrets, mistakes, dark secrets, unsolved issues. Just like every single negative things that shouldn't be inside here.

I just want to start new and be a better person for tomorrow. For my very own future. I will try to stop and find cure for my bad habits. It is never too late to change. Though it takes time to realise it. Never mind, niat tu paling penting.

I have been thinking a lot of what I am going to do and what kind of person I want to be in the future. Still, the journey is quite far though. But as I said, niat tu paling penting.

Well, everybody make mistakes. That is just life. Experience is the best teacher. When you somehow gone through a situation and took a step and turned out to be a huge mistake ever, you might think twice later in the future if you are caught in the same situation again.

I just want to cleanse what is needed to be cleanse. I just want to get rid of these unpleasant things inside my mind that is never be necessary to me in the future. Ok enough said, later :)

Hey ho lets go !

2011-05-09T17:25:00.002+08:00

Karma is a bitch. Wait for it to come back to you :)

Ribena & Cheese

2011-05-05T04:11:00.004+08:00

I am falling for you hard all over again. I love you much dear. And I hope and pray the future will be on our side. InsyaAllah :)

I just hate you cos you are so adorable though in reality people dont actually see that. You are just amazing just the way you are. I hate your stupid cracking jokes but I couldn't resist them. It is way to awesome to resist it. Though I really hate it cos you always picking on me. Damn you pedon ! Ergh geram.

All in all I always love you. Always :)

Dah lah blah la lu pedon, tunggu gua revenge kat lu. Hihi :-*

Bestfriends away

2011-05-05T03:01:00.005+08:00

I dont know for some reasons, I really appreciate brotherhood. As you may know, I have two sisters and no boys in my family except for daddy cos he is a guy lah kan. So yes, I really appreciate brotherhood. Someone who I can rely on to some stuffs. Things that may need a guy's perception or something. Sharing some common interests which in some points, I really fancy more of the guys thingy like I prefer backpacks rather than handbags. I prefer sneakers than heels or flats. I prefer shirts or kemeja than dresses. Yet still, I am a girl. I am not trying to be a pengkid or tomboy or whatever names they call them. Maybe I am just a mess, or sloppy. Whatever. So dont really judge physically the person I am.

Well, the bonding is quite tight between the boys and yes, I really care about them. And of course I know the boundaries of treating 'brothers' and not trying to hit on them. I know sometimes it might slid off but who give a damn cause I wont do that. I know the differences between friends and flirting with guys. For some reason, not all but a few might say that I just want the guys attention and blah blah blah shitty things that always spit out from their mouth about me.

I really get a lot of that during my school time. There this one time, I was coincidencely bummed into a guy which is a friend of mine and we just greeted each other and he asked me to walk with him to the canteen. He was quite a hottie to girls at that time which I dont know why haha. So yeah I just tagged along cos I was heading there too myself. My friend was waiting for me at the table and overheard a few of bitches on the same table talked about me and said 'kau tgk tu, dia tu takleh ke kalau tak jalan ngn lelaki, nampat sgt gatal . . . bla bla bla' I mean, I never bother those girls but who are they to talk something like that. I mean, I was quite devastated myself of people's perception about me.

But who the hell cares aite. It was in high school and I just hate my high school years. Too much dramas and yes drama, drama, and drama. But yes, the most thing I am so sad is some of my really close friends/bestfriends are very far from me now. I mean of course things change. When you try to hit on girls, you will refer to me and such. But at one time, you got that girl, all of the sudden things changed. Your girlfriend is jealous of me cause I am being too close to you. Though we dont do anything T_T hello I myself have a life and a boyfriend. So yeah, its okay. I just need to grow up and swallow that. I mean I was having that kind of situations like a few times and sometimes it really bothers me.

It kind of ticks me off but I just need to learn that lesson though. I just want to be clear, maybe I am just being too friendly cos I really am flexible with people. Naaahhh whatever, you may say whatever you want to say cos I am done writing such hatred post pfffttt haha bye.

P/s ; Sometimes I kind of miss them but in a way, its good that we are apart, I dont want to mess things up and yeah we are totally different person now :)

Weekends with le familia

2011-05-03T23:00:00.003+08:00

I just love my recent weekends. Spending time with le parents and sisterz. All we did, accompanied with fantastic food. That is just awesome and always be the main reason why I love weekends so much <3 ok for the fact that most people know I just love to eat, so yeah cool en dapat makan sedap hihi.

The moment I reached home that day, dad brought us to Johnny's. Steamboat night people <3 I had lots of durian. Durian Musang King the best ever ! Mommy then cooked tempe masak kicap and rendang daging last Sunday and I must say I MISS my Mama's dishes :') Indulging with great food is the best thing evver ! And that night we supposed to have Ikan Bakar for dinner at Bagan Lalang but danggg the place was full house ! So we ended up having dinner at McDonald's instead. At 1.00am. Okay no joke, it was really tiring though. Go all the way there and ended up not having Ikan Bakar at all T_T bummer ! So Mama had this idea of BBQ-ing at home, and sure we did that ! We had chicken, prawns and squids for dinner yesterday hihihihihi. Mama was in charge with everything, the food, the guests, the drinks, everything lah ! Mama is so cool, I love you lah Mama <3 <3

I JUST LOVE HOME. AHHHH NICE FOOD NICE FOOD NICE FOOD NICE FOOD NICE FOOD <3 <3 Kbye ~

You gave me butterflies

2011-05-02T02:54:00.004+08:00

Deep down, I always wanted to post something about you. Every single day. But somehow I said to myself, I think it is best if I am the only one who acknowledge with that hihi.

But yeah, tonight I feel like talking about you. Hihi. Im sorry, I cant help myself from thinking about you :S

You know awak, you never fail to make me smile even it was just for a simple matter. And I hate that every song in my playlist has something to do with you. EVERY. Any songs lah, love songs, screamo, reggae, death metal, 80's rock, power pop. Okay, yeah basically every song does remind me of you. Pathetic me.

And I really cant get over with samakan awak dengan makanan. Hahaha this is so stupid. Good food = Udy :) hahaha damn when I taste those delicious food I feel like you are here, in my imagination. I feel like you need to taste it too ! Hihi. Rindulah nak meatballs :( nanti kita buncitkan perut okay :D

Another thing about you is, suka sangat panggil 'oi' 'pundek' 'gemuk' hahaha. You know, I found it so cute. Though people might say it is rude but what the hell I dont even mind. We may dont have the perfect conversation or whatever, it makes me feel that we are cool. Cool apa jadahnya, hahaha. To conclude, I can live with it. Fullstop :)

Well the most common thing that will remind me of you every single day is, the bracelet that I keep wearing it 24/7. You gave it to me in Melaka last year. I still remember it till today :) I am so excited to wear that, and the fact that you came to visit me hihihihi. You know, I always have this butterflies feeling in my stomach when I am with you. And I still have it now. But not that much lah hehe. The comfortable stage has finally arrived, haha.

Yes, Ocha is so lovey dovey all of the sudden. Well I think I always have this feeling, just maybe I dont show it too much. I rarely talk about you too personally. Maybe just a few people might know about what my daily basis with you but still, I keep you in my journal. It feels closer to my heart. Awwhhhhh hihi

You know what, at the end of the day, I think I will be the one who vomits after reading this a few times. Hahahaha naahhh, well this is my current thoughts so I just let it flow then.

From the bottom of my heart, I heart you much. Do take care and always remember that I want you to succeed everything that you had wish for. My prayers will always be for you. I need you to know that I will be here, always. Despite everything that we have gone through, I still love you like the first day weve ever been together. It will never change because you have stolen my heart. Hard. So for a favor, I just want you to be happy. I wont change our lifestyles. Cos we are cool like that.

And I always miss you jablai. I just hate how Kids in Love by Mayday Parade get between us, hihi <3